Take a Lifelong Journey to Love
I generally tend to espouse the theoretical four stages of relationships; romantic love, disillusionment, misery, and awakening to joy—found in Father Gerald Foley’s book Courage to Love—When Your Marriage Hurts . In my work, I see many couples struggling with the issue of love. Unfortunately, by the time they get to my office they are usually in the misery stage of the relationship.
Most people tend to enter relationships with somewhat unrealistic expectations derived from past and present desires and experiences. According to research, people in the romantic stage of love experience a chemical high, which lasts approximately two to four years. This effect is undoubtedly the origin of the term love is blind. When the high fades and reality sets in, the flaws and weaknesses of our significant other become readily apparent. If children are involved, even more stressors are added to the relationship.
Since couples are most vulnerable to an affair during this phase of the relationship, most counselors recommend couples do not discuss their problems with members of the opposite sex. I firmly believe this to be good advice because most people tend to look for the easy way out, or feel the grass is greener on the other side of the septic tank (as Erma Bombeck used to say).
Unfortunately, people who divorce are more prone to divorce again. In fact, research indicates 68 percent of second marriages, and 88 percent of third marriages end in divorce. In my work I find after a terminated relationship or divorce, people tend to enter new relationships with the same personality type they were previously involved with, and therefore make the same mistakes.
The journey to love is not an easy one. Before we can truly love another person we must first love and respect ourselves. I have found that although we may have a preconception of what the perfect mate is, our choices before we seek self-exploration are usually very different. Typically, the individual is a combination of the parent with whom we have issues and the critic within. For some, the person may also be a result of past verbal or physical abuse issues. We tend to attract people who manifest the critical views we have of ourselves. For example, if we have fears of rejection, then we will chose people who are likely to reject us.
To see what your critical voice is telling you, just reflect on a typical day and really listen to the types of comments you make to yourself. Once you discover what your critic within is saying, scrutinize your current and/or past relationships to see if they manifest your critical self. You will save yourself a great deal of heartache by seeking to eliminate the critic within, and remember we alone can make us feel good about ourselves. If you are not in a relationship, take this journey to self-love before committing to a new romance.
The relationships that are the most enduring are those in which both people are comfortable with themselves and their differences, and are willing to accept compromise. Most importantly, the marriages that last 40 or 50 years involve couples successful in developing a deeper, committed, loving friendship. Not surprisingly, this was the greatest need found in a recent research study for both male and female respondents. We must always remember before we can love some one unconditionally, we must first learn to love ourselves unconditionally. TPW
Most people tend to enter relationships with somewhat unrealistic expectations derived from past and present desires and experiences. According to research, people in the romantic stage of love experience a chemical high, which lasts approximately two to four years. This effect is undoubtedly the origin of the term love is blind. When the high fades and reality sets in, the flaws and weaknesses of our significant other become readily apparent. If children are involved, even more stressors are added to the relationship.
Since couples are most vulnerable to an affair during this phase of the relationship, most counselors recommend couples do not discuss their problems with members of the opposite sex. I firmly believe this to be good advice because most people tend to look for the easy way out, or feel the grass is greener on the other side of the septic tank (as Erma Bombeck used to say).
Unfortunately, people who divorce are more prone to divorce again. In fact, research indicates 68 percent of second marriages, and 88 percent of third marriages end in divorce. In my work I find after a terminated relationship or divorce, people tend to enter new relationships with the same personality type they were previously involved with, and therefore make the same mistakes.
The journey to love is not an easy one. Before we can truly love another person we must first love and respect ourselves. I have found that although we may have a preconception of what the perfect mate is, our choices before we seek self-exploration are usually very different. Typically, the individual is a combination of the parent with whom we have issues and the critic within. For some, the person may also be a result of past verbal or physical abuse issues. We tend to attract people who manifest the critical views we have of ourselves. For example, if we have fears of rejection, then we will chose people who are likely to reject us.
To see what your critical voice is telling you, just reflect on a typical day and really listen to the types of comments you make to yourself. Once you discover what your critic within is saying, scrutinize your current and/or past relationships to see if they manifest your critical self. You will save yourself a great deal of heartache by seeking to eliminate the critic within, and remember we alone can make us feel good about ourselves. If you are not in a relationship, take this journey to self-love before committing to a new romance.
The relationships that are the most enduring are those in which both people are comfortable with themselves and their differences, and are willing to accept compromise. Most importantly, the marriages that last 40 or 50 years involve couples successful in developing a deeper, committed, loving friendship. Not surprisingly, this was the greatest need found in a recent research study for both male and female respondents. We must always remember before we can love some one unconditionally, we must first learn to love ourselves unconditionally. TPW