“Caring Every Day” is the theme of this year’s National Family Caregiver’s month, recognized each November. The NFC encourages family caregivers to take three steps every day to make their lives easier, improve care, and raise awareness about their continued love and commitment: Believe in Yourself. Protect Your Health. Reach Out for Help.
I was impressed by Dana Reeve, the widow of actor Christopher Reeve, when she spoke in Peoria last May. While she motivated the audience to support the research foundation that was set up in Chris’ honor, The Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation, she also hinted at her and her family’s personal struggle during that time. The two had been married only three years when Chris was thrown from a horse and paralyzed. The lives of the Reeve family changed in an instant. She said, “There are moments where you go, ‘This is horrible. This is too hard.’” Dana continued, “The hidden gift behind the disability is that you really become grateful for what you have when so much is taken away.”
Dana has been called the Superwoman behind Chris’ Superman; for the nine years she cared for him, I’d call her a Super Superwoman. In the past year, Dana announced she was diagnosed with lung cancer and is undergoing treatment. It’s been said that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, and I pray that Dana and her family feel the strength of others thinking of her. While the couple’s situation has been public, there are millions of people who quietly go about the daily tasks of taking care of a terminally ill or disabled loved one—or cope with a disability or illness themselves.
My perspective on the tragedy of unexpected circumstances forcing one to become a caregiver changed when I was forced into that role about 10 years ago. The heavy burden placed upon the family financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally is exhausting. Caregivers often suffer in silence, feeling guilty for asking for help or worrying about their own health. The caregiver’s world becomes very small; it’s estimated 46 to 59 percent of caregivers are clinically depressed. They long for a walk in the park, a romantic dinner, a family vacation, and even help taking out the garbage—just about anything that was at one time a routine. When the situation becomes prolonged, the support from friends is needed even more.
I’ll never forget the circle of friends who took care of our children, drove with me to the hospital, waited patiently in the waiting room just so I’d have someone to talk to when I left the hospital room, brought food for the family, took me to lunch for a break, and sat by my husband’s bedside so I could attend our son’s graduation. Most important was their reassurance that I was doing all I could for him and my family. The business associates who volunteered to assist with the writing and production of the magazines to maintain the business is a debt I can never repay.
In proclaiming National Family Caregivers Month 2004, President Bush stated, “America is a country of hope and promise that honors the dignity of all its citizens. Our family caregivers sometimes sacrifice their own emotional and physical needs to dedicate their time and energy to serving their loved ones. By taking on this enormous responsibility, they are helping honor life in all its seasons.”
Never think there’s nothing you can do to show a caregiver you care—sometimes just offering to sit beside them is a priceless gift. TPW