Taking Time to Refuel

A couple of weeks ago, my son Jon, a junior in college, called me to ask a rather insightful question about leadership. I thought he sounded a little discouraged as we’d been talking for a few minutes, and then he asked, “Dad, when you’re trying to lead something, is it normal for certain people to criticize everything you do and try to make you feel like you’re doing a bad job?”

I actually chuckled out loud as I responded, “Welcome to leadership!” He went on to share with me some of the leadership “shots” he had taken recently for doing nothing more than trying to conduct a basketball and softball intramural program for students at his school. “Everyone wants an intramural program, but no one wants to lead it,” he said. “So I give my time and energy to pulling it together, and it seems all I get is criticism from people who won’t lift a hand to help out. It just makes me feel like chucking it. If someone else wants to do it, they can have it.”

I assured him that leadership in any arena would always come with its detractors and naysayers. In fact, I suggested that he think a bit about the coaching profession, since he really hopes to be a high school basketball coach someday. “Jon,” I said, “You could win all of your games, and there would still be people who question your coaching decisions, or parents who criticize you because they feel their kid should be getting more playing time—and that’s if you win! If you end up having a really lousy season, you’ll be the target of every downtown coach in the area. So get used to it. Criticism comes with the leadership territory. That’s why you have to learn how to keep your own heart refueled so that your inner leadership motivation, courage and passion are always greater than the forces of doubt, despair and discouragement that are coming against you.”

Which raises the question I would ask of every leader: What do you do to rekindle and refuel your heart when the inevitable wear and tear of leadership takes its toll on you? Every leader must find an answer to that question and return for refueling again and again and again, lest they simply run out of leadership fuel and quit, or worse yet, become hard-hearted, jaded and cynical over time—or even worse yet, crash and burn through some ethical or moral implosion.

In my 25 years of organizational leadership, I’ve seen all three scenarios take place in the lives of leaders who apparently didn’t know that they needed to take time to refuel. I recently watched another leader crash and burn through a serious moral indiscretion that has now cost him his leadership role and influence, his marriage, and the respect of both his community and the people he led.

Did he set out to dismantle his 20 years of leadership influence in such a dramatic and disappointing collapse? Hardly! It’s just that the constant drain on his emotional energy, the negative responses of some people to his positive initiatives, the resistance to change and the criticism eventually took their toll on him. Apparently not understanding his need to constantly refuel his heart in healthy ways, he eventually found himself running on fumes, which made him an easy target for the cheap thrill that has now cost him everything. It’s tragic; it wouldn’t have had to end that way…had he only kept his heart refueled!

That’s why I encourage every leader to discover and develop personal and private routines that serve to rekindle one’s own inner emotional reserves. Such routines may include prayer and private meditation, listening to soothing or uplifting music, reading, recreational pursuits, personal getaways for reflection and rest, time spent with friends and mentors who encourage our hearts—anything that brings fresh joy, renewal and perspective to a leader’s heart.

I have discovered that there is a corporate side to leadership renewal as well. There is a special dynamic that happens when leaders come together in the same room to learn, grow, share battle scars and connect with other leaders. There’s something about the shared camaraderie of leadership: of knowing that here, in this company of leaders, are people who understand the challenges and tests of leadership. Here are others who, like me, have wanted to quit. Here are others who have secretly wondered if they had what it takes to lead well. Here are others who have experienced the sting of opposition, criticism and rejection. Here are others who have learned how to persevere and push on in spite of the problems they face.

That’s why I love the Leadership Summit! It’s also why Northwoods Community Church has put the time and energy into hosting this one-of-a-kind event each summer for the past seven years. No other event draws over 70,000 leaders together at one time (in 150 satellite venues) to learn from world-class leaders and faculty, such as David Gergen, Patrick Lencioni, Tony Blair and Bono this year. Having attended this event for the past 16 years of my leadership journey, I have found that no other event refuels and rekindles my heart quite like the Leadership Summit. And while it is an event designed with church leaders in mind, it has never failed to deliver fresh leadership insight and inspiration for marketplace leaders of every kind.

So let me challenge you, leader, whoever you are and whatever you do—stop and refuel! You owe it to yourself, to your spouse and family, and to the people you lead, to keep your heart steady and strong. If you sense your leadership passion needing to be rekindled, if you sense a need for fresh perspective and inner renewal, then I invite you to join me and hundreds of other leaders for a shot of “high octane” fuel. I’ll save you a seat! iBi  

• TONY BLAIR, former U.K. prime minister, is one of Britain’s most recognized statesmen.
• BONO is the lead singer of Irish rock band U2 and a well-known activist in the fight against AIDS and extreme poverty in Africa. 
• HARVEY CAREY is founder of Detroit’s Citadel of Faith Church and widely known for his remarkable communication skills.
• DR. HENRY CLOUD is a clinical psychologist and best-selling author who does extensive organizational consulting and speaking.
• CARLY FIORINA, former chairman and CEO of Hewlett-Packard, was the first woman to head a Dow 30 company and was named “The Most Powerful Woman in Business” by Fortune six years in a row. 
• DAVID GERGEN is a respected lecturer, journalist, political analyst, and advisor to presidents, and has been an honored figure in American national life for decades.
• DAVID GIBBONS is a culture expert whose international work involves misfits, artists, the poor, urban and rural innovators, students, executives, community developers and nonprofit leaders.
• GARY HAMEL, heralded by The Wall Street Journal as one of the world’s most influential business thinkers, is most widely known for originating the concept of “core competencies.”
• CHIP HEATH is a professor at Stanford's Graduate School of Business, co-author of the best-selling book Made to Stick, and columnist for Fast Company magazine.
• DAN HEATH is a widely recognized business consultant, researcher, columnist, entrepreneur and co-author of the best-selling book Made to Stick. 
• BILL HYBELS is the senior pastor of Willow Creek Community Church and a highly sought-after speaker on Christian leadership. He convened The Leadership Summit in 1995.
• DR. DAVID IRELAND is the founder and senior pastor of Christ Church in Montclair, New Jersey, and author of numerous books.
• JESSICA JACKLEY is a co-founder of Kiva.org, the world’s first peer-to-peer online microlending website and one of the fastest-growing social benefit sites in history.
• DR. TIM KELLER began Redeemer Presbyterian Church in 1989 with six people. Today, this 6,000-member, multi-site ministry continues winning over skeptical New Yorkers.
• PATRICK LENCIONI is the founder of a specialized management-consulting firm focused on organizational health and the author of six best-selling books.