Parents have the greatest influence on our child’s development of worth and value. We hold the key to creating healthy self-esteem and confidence for our children through teaching a healthy view of self, presenting and embracing a positive outlook on life, taking pride in accomplishments and assuming responsibility without fear.
We can help our children accomplish these goals by creating a sense of belonging, showing love and acceptance and creating a safe environment for them to learn through trial and error without judgment and shaming. When these things are accomplished, children learn to feel confident and special. They begin to develop pride in their accomplishments and look for opportunities to excel.
What are some simple techniques we can utilize to enhance our children’s self esteem?
- Catch children doing something “good.” Too often we focus on what our child does that is “wrong” instead of what they are doing that is right. This type of parenting tends to create a child’s negative self-concept and embeds low self-esteem. It is very easy to change your parenting style by looking for small things that illustrate positive behaviors and reward your child with praise, hugs, encouragement and affirmations. You’ll discover this type of parenting style seems to bring harmony, serenity and enjoyment to your relationship with your child.
- Create opportunities for mistakes. Help children see that mistakes are nothing more than opportunities to learn. Ask questions such as “What did you learn from that?” or “What could you try differently next time?” When you use this type of parenting strategy, you teach your child a lifelong pattern of learning from adversity and making those lessons become helpful, life-changing experiences. When children see mistakes and difficult times as a challenge or adventure, they will embrace the situation, instead of becoming fearful that they will fail in the light of adversity.
- Help your child set age-appropriate goals. Teach your child how to attack goals by creating small, achievable steps. The strategy is to create “success experiences” which will be more likely when the steps are broken down into attainable tasks. This technique will help your child build self-esteem and enhance the ability to work successfully towards his or her goals. This strategy learned early can become a powerful asset throughout the child’s developmental process.
- Avoid making comparisons. Children tend to evaluate themselves in comparison to others. Many times this form of evaluation can be fueled by parents who compare one sibling to another sibling. Look for a child’s uniqueness and recognize his or her individual attributes and personal gifts. When you practice this technique, your child will flourish knowing his or her individuality is accepted and appreciated.
- Laugh with your children and teach them to laugh at themselves. Humor is a valuable asset in building self-esteem and the development of seeing one’s self in a light-hearted manner versus one of criticism or judgment. When a child can chuckle at his or her mistakes he or she tends to be able to love himself without self-ridicule or shame. Besides, a good sense of humor can be an asset throughout anyone’s life.
- Ask your children for their opinions and involve them in problem solving and decision-making. This practice helps your children believe in the value of their input and teaches them the strategy of working cooperatively with others to create meaningful changes.
- Communicate your love by saying it and demonstrating it. Practice giving your child encouraging statements throughout the day. Remember the power of words and how negative messages given during childhood can lead to negative self-image and lack of confidence in actions and deeds. It can’t be said enough that children do remember the loving statements we say to them throughout their life.
- Focus on contributions, assets and strengths so your children know they have many qualities that are of value. When a child feels worthy and valuable he or she creates a positive self-confidence that will endure for a lifetime. TPW
Dr. Miller is the founder and director of Peoria’s Joy Miller & Associates. She is an internationally-known licensed psychotherapist, professional trainer and author. A part-time instructor at Bradley University, she has been professionally involved in the mental health field for 25 years. For more information on mental health, visit www.joymiller.com or www.joymillerblog.blogspot.com.