Theresa Rahe Hardesty is an attorney at law whose practice is limited to adoption. She has been a Peoria resident since 1977, her first year out of law school. Her legal career began at the firm of McConnell, Kennedy, Quinn & Johnston, then after three years she established her own office. From 1984 to 1986 she worked as a law clerk to Third District Appellate Court Judge William B. Wombacher. She is a member of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys and the Peoria County bar Association. She is a current member of the Father Sweeney School board and a sustaining member of the Junior League of Peoria. Her past community activities include serving as a president of the Community Advisory Board of the Pediatric Resource Center, the Community Research and Project Development Chairman on the board of the Junior League, the general coordinator of the Tri-Centennial Playground building project, and a founding board member of WomenStrength. Hardesty is a member of St. Thomas Parish and is preparing to become an oblate of the Community of St. John in March.
Where were you born and raised?
I was born in Peoria but moved to the Chicago area two years later. I grew up in suburban Chicago and rural Indiana.
What is your educational background?
I went to Catholic grade schools and an all-girls’ Catholic high school. I received my bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of Illinois in Champaign, and my law degree from DePaul University in Chicago.
Who influenced you the most in making your career choice decision?
After college, I debated about pursuing a master’s degree in social work versus going into law. I was interested in the Corrections field,, so I interviewed several social workers employed in the prison system.
Their advice was unanimous: “Don’t do this!” as a direct result, I went to law school, intending to specialize in criminal defense. Much later, once I had a taste of actually representing criminal defendants, my idealism was challenged and I realized criminal law was not my true calling.
It is my belief that God chose this work for me, because I look back and see a string of odd events that led me into the practice I have today. As a young law school graduate with criminal defense in mind, the idea of specializing in adoption never crossed my mind.
In about 1980 I had a general practice, having gone “on my own” after working for a law firm for three years. An acquaintance of mine sat on the board of a local adoption agency that was looking for new legal representation, and she recommended me to them.
Although I had no previous experience in adoptions, I must have talked big because they started sending me business.
Most of the cases they referred in the beginning were Korean adoptions. In 1986 I went into “retirement” after the birth of my second child. I enjoyed doing adoptions so much, however, that I continued to handle them, preparing the legal documents on my home computer.
That year Korean adoptions dropped off sharply due to high publicity during the Seoul Olympics. Couples who had counted on adopting their second child form Korea waned more options.
By popular demand, I began doing private adoptions. I asked a few people for practical advice, but learned that no attorney in this area did more than an occasional private adoption. Happily, once I got started the private adoption cases, birth mothers, and several more adoption agencies somehow found me.
Describe the typical process to adopt an infant.
A person or couple interested in adopting must either apply to an agency or, through private sources, locate a prospective birth mother that wishes to place her baby for adoption.
In Illinois, a birth mother must wait a minimum of 72 hours after the birth of the child before she may consent to the adoption.
Except when there are improprieties during the consent process, Illinois consents are final when they are signed. The birth father’s rights must also be terminated either by consent, denial of paternity, or on grounds of unfitness.
In most cases, shortly before or immediately after the birth mother gives her consent the adoptive parents take custody of the child.
The legal process to finalize the adoption usually takes about six months. The adoptive parents must undergo an investigation before the court will enter a final decree of adoption. Normally, only one or two court appearances are necessary.
Is it an absolute requirement to have an attorney, or just good practice.
One is not required to have an attorney, but many areas of adoption law are complex and the stakes are very high if the case is not handled properly.
When you meet a client for the first time, how do you decide whether or not to handle the case?
For the child’s protection, I will only represent adoptive parents who have an approved home study. Also, if I believe a case will involve more complex litigation than I, as a solo practitioner working out of my home, am equipped to handle, I refer the case to another attorney.
My family’s needs come first, and I’m not willing to commit to spending the kind of time a major trial or appeal would consume. For reasons of conscience, I decline alternative reproduction (surrogacy) cases and adoptions by same-sex and unmarried couples. It’s not that I feel I am entitled to judge others who have a sincere desire to be parents, but my religious beliefs dictate my professional principles.
How many adoptions take place in central Illinois annually?
I don’t know. I personally finalize about 125 adoptions per year in Illinois, but many placements that occur in Illinois are finalized out of state because the adoptive parents do not reside here.
How many adoption attorneys are there in Central Illinois?
I don’t know of any other central Illinois attorneys besides myself who limit their practice to adoptions. Many family law practitioners in the area handle adoptions, but none of them has a practice that includes interstate, intercountry, agency and private adoptions.
How long does it take to process one adoption—from the time you make the contact with your clients until the time they have their baby?
That varies greatly, depending on factors such as:
- How aggressive the couple or individual is in their efforts to locate a birth mother;
- Their financial limitations.
- Their feelings concerning openness and continuing contact after placement.
- Their flexibility as to the age, sex, race and background of the child.
- Their personalities, the number of children they have already, their religion, etc. —in short, how appealing they are to birth parents.
- Luck or divine providence.
Are you seeing more single-parent adoptions in central Illinois?
There never have been many private single-parent adoptions, and I have not noticed much of a change. I have seen single women adopting from China through international adoption agencies, and more single-parent related topics, such as by the child’s aunt or grandmother.
--In the U. S. ?
I assume that there is a nationwide trend toward more single parents seeking to adopt, although I have not done any research.
--Why or why not?
Because there is not social stigma attached to being a single mother now, whereas at one time it had negative moral implications. Single adoptive fathers are still rare because of the cultural attitude that, while fathers may come and go, children need to have a mother.
Birth mothers, usually single, are still relatively unlikely to choose single adoptive parents for their children. This is for the reason that through adoption they are seeking a better life for the child than that which they can provide.
As long as there are so many couples who want to adopt, birth parents are likely to prefer two parents in a traditional marriage. It is unfortunate reality that if the child has special mental or physical needs, is not of the Caucasian race or is of mixed racial heritage, the availability of adoptive parents is not as great.
Under those circumstances, a birth mother may be more willing to consider a single adoptive parent who offers financial stability and a loving home.
Do you handle cases differently based on marital status, and if single, whether male or female?
There is no legal difference between married and single adoptive parents. However, if a married person files an adoption, the spouse is required by law to join in the adoption petition.
What about cases that cross racial lines? How do they differ from a same-race adoption?
Transracial adoptions are no different under the law, but obviously there are social considerations. It is important for the adoptive couple to have the support of their extended family.
I also encourage my clients to seek advice from a qualified adoption counselor when they are deciding whether or not to enter into a transracial adoption.
What is the greatest hurdle parents face in the adoption process?
First, it’s the waiting and searching for a child. After that, it’s the emotional roller coaster and the lack of control over the outcome. Fortunately, after going through infertility together, most prospective adoptive couples are pretty united as a couple and I notice that they give each other a lot of emotional support.
When adopting an infant, the couple is usually in direct contact with the birth mother or birth parents during the pregnancy. At the same time that they desperately want to adopt, they also care about the birth parents as people and have compassion for them.
During the 72 hours or more between the birth and the time of executing the consent to adoption there is no guarantee the birth parents will sign.
Often the adoptive parents spend a good deal of that time at the hospital with the baby, and in some cases with the birth parents and even the birth grandparents. Although they try to maintain some emotional distance in case the adoption is not successful, it is virtually impossible not to fall in love with the baby.
Needless to say, it is very, very difficult. In the best of cases, adoptive parents say it is worth the emotional risk to experience their adopted child’s first minutes and hours of life and to have the opportunity to get to know his or her birth family. When adoptions fail, however, it is very hard to start over.
What can you do to help speed up the process, or make it easier on the parents?
Rather than waiting passively for a birth mother to choose them, I encourage my clients to use aggressive methods to locate a birth mother. I recommend that they network among friends and family, send letters and resumes to selected individuals who may be in a position to help, and put personal advertisements in newspapers.
I give them suggestions and tools to help them to be more effective in their search. Birth mothers sometimes contact me looking for adoptive parents, so I show them profiles of my clients, which consist of a letter and photographs that the prospective parents put together with my help.
Should it be made easier? Why or why not?
The process is difficult and takes so long because there are 4. 5 to 6 people seeking to adopt for every child available, according to Peter Gibbs, director of the Center for Adoption Research and Policy at the University of Massachusetts. A very small percentage of women who bear children place infants for adoption. It may surprise some to know that teens are the least likely of any age to choose adoption. So it’s not a question of whether adoption should be made easier, it’s a simple matter of the demand exceeding the supply.
Not surprisingly, babies have become a commodity, with many “facilitators” or baby brokers getting involved in adoptions for substantial finder’s fees. These are most prevalent on the West Coast, but they operate nationwide with a heavy presence on the Internet. In Illinois it is a felony to pay a fee to anyone other than a licensed child welfare agency for arranging an adoption, but in many states it is perfectly legal. Uniform adoption laws and stricter enforcement would help to regulate unethical practices.
What changes have been made in the last 10 years—the last 25 years—that, in your opinion, have helped or hurt the adoption process?
· Big changes have occurred due to the empowerment of the birth parents in the adoption process. This power shift happened as a natural consequence of the disproportionate number of available children compared to the number of hopeful adoptive parents. Because of it, more adoptions are open today than ever before, and the movement toward openness resulted in sweeping changes in the adoption field. Formerly conservative adoption agencies adapted to the demand for openness in order to compete with private adoptions.
Very few adoptions are closed, as they were 20 years ago, when a birth mother
typically would allow someone else to select the parents for her without meeting or receiving any information about them, and would never see her baby.
In the majority of the adoptions today, the parties meet and maintain contact before and after the birth of the child, although the degree of their involvement varies. Last names, addresses and other identifying information usually are not exchanged.
Post-placement correspondence—photos and updates about the child—takes place through the agency, attorney or other third party.
In “fully disclosed” or truly open adoptions, the parties maintain direct contact, and visits between the adoptive family and the birth family occur on an ongoing basis.
While adoption professionals generally advocate for openness as a benefit to all members of the “adoption triad”—the child, the birth parents, and the adoptive parents—some adopting parents still want more traditional adoptions.
They feel neither their interests nor the child’s are best served by increased involvement with the birth parents. It is best to view every adoption as unique, not “one size fits all. ”Good communication is important to establish the expectations of everyone involved before the adoption takes place.
· In the past five years it has become much easier to terminate birth fathers’ rights, largely due to the aftermath of the Baby Richard case in Illinois. Our state and many others enacted legislation that allows a birth father only 30 days in which to claim paternity and thereby preserve his right to object to a proposed adoption.
This has helped the adoption process because it limits the ability of a “sperm
donor”—minimally involved father—to control the destinies of the mother, the child, and the adoptive parents.
· The single greatest factor affecting adoptions over the last quarter century is, of course, legal abortion. It is impossible to talk about the dramatic decrease in the number of infants available for adoption without recognizing that during this time period approximately 40 million infants were aborted.
· Prior generations dealt with unwed mothers in a harsh, judgmental way. Parents forced their pregnant daughters into hiding well-meaning institutions participated in the legal kidnapping of their newborns. Those times were cruel, to be sure. Societal changes in the last several decades have largely erased the prohibition against sex outside of marriage, made it possible for unmarried women to give birth without shame, and raise their illegitimate children. These circumstances have tremendously affected our society’s attitude toward adoption, which is seen as the option of last resort. Ironically, now it is the parents of young pregnant women who frequently have the greatest difficulty with adoption.
Very often they are unable to let their grandchildren go, even when the birth
parents believe adoption to be in the best interest of the child. Without their parents’ blessings, few birth parents find the strength to choose adoption.
What would you change about the adoption process as it stands today? How? Why?
I would like to see more compassion shown in our society to women who place their babies for adoption.
It is rare that they receive the encouragement and support that they deserve. Instead of giving them praise for their selflessness and courage, too often people judge them to be cold and abnormal for “giving up their own flesh and blood. ”
Many say the adoption process is too cumbersome—is this why more people don’t adopt? Is that a good or bad thing? Why or why not?
By this, I assume people are referring to the process of scrutiny to which adoptive parents are required to submit before they are permitted to adopt. If this process discourages some suitable parents who are unwilling to tolerate the intrusion, that is unfortunate because there is a need for good homes for many waiting children.
However, the purpose of the investigation is obvious. There are some people who should not be parents. It is reasonable and necessary to perform criminal background checks, assess marital stability and determine psychological fitness of the applicants in order to protect the children.
Some of the more arbitrary agency qualifications such as age limits, religion or physical characteristics are harder to justify, but these are not requirements which the law imposes.
This is one explanation for the tremendous increase in private adoptions over the past 20 years as people sought to bypass traditional agency criteria and waiting lists and find their own birth mothers.
What about international adoptions? We hear stories that almost sound unbelievable about what people encounter when they enter the overseas adoption market. Is the “red tape” in the U. S. so heavy that it drives people away from adopting American children?
I think it’s the negative adoption stories that the media so enjoy “hyping” that drive people away from adopting American children. People are afraid that the birth parents will be able to reclaim their child. Also, some prefer a more traditional, closed adoption, and knowing that the birth parents live in another country far away makes the adoptive parents feel safer.
Have you had any experience with these types of cases? If so, explain the difference in the adoption process here and abroad, and the pros and cons to each.
I have had a lot of experience with finalizing Korean adoptions, and with so-called “re-adoptions” of children whose adoptions have been finalized in their home country, but whose parents choose to adopt again in the U. S. The usual reason for this is to obtain an American birth record rather than having to deal with a sheaf of foreign papers and translations.
The paperwork involved in international adoptions is substantial, typically including a dossier of personal papers, medical and psychological reports, financial information, letters of reference, police clearances, and a home study.
Everything must be carefully authenticated. The fees are two to three times higher than in most domestic adoptions. The children are not newborns, although from some countries it is possible to adopt children under one year of age. Also, the U. S. Department of Immigration and Naturalization requires that a child be an orphan.
Another feature—some would say disadvantage—of international adoption is the fact that at least one and sometimes both adoptive parents must travel to the foreign country. Korean adoptions are an exception to this; an escort accompanies the children to the U. S. and the adoptive parents meet them at the airport.
Some countries provide the adoptive parents with a complete medical and social history of the birth parents, but often the information is unavailable. Obviously, one benefit of having continuing contact with the birth parents is to receive medical information about the birth family, which does not stop at the time of the adoption. This is rarely an option in international adoptions.
What are the current Illinois laws regarding sealed options? Other states?
The laws vary form state to state, but Illinois adoption records are sealed. The court may appoint a “confidential intermediary” to examine court records and locate the birth family if an adoptee has a medical or psychological need verified by a physician.
In your opinion, should the adoptive child be told they are adopted? If so, how and when?
Absolutely. The child ought to be told he or she is adopted right from the beginning, in a version that is tailored to the child’s age. Young kids love to hear their own adoption story, told lovingly and with great respect for the birth parents. As they get older, children need more factual information, as appropriate.
How do you counsel adoptive who desire to meet their birth parents? What situations have you encountered? Birth parents want to meet but the child does not; child wants to meet but birth parents do not; adoptive parents do not want child to meet birth parents, etc.
I have not yet encountered this situation because none of the children whose private adoptions I have handled are of an age where they would seek this type of contact. In anticipation of that day arriving, I document my files concerning the birth parents’ attitudes about future contact.
When I am contacted by an adoptee searching for his or her birth parents I refer them to the agency that handled the adoption, if possible. (If another attorney handled the adoption it is sometimes more difficult. There are support groups that help adoptees to search for their biological families. )
It is best to undertake a search or reunion with the help of a professional counselor, in my opinion.
Do you encourage the birth parents to write to their child and send photos, even if they are kept with an attorney or in a safe somewhere? The child to their birth parents?
Birth mothers are usually interested in receiving periodic correspondence and photographs from the adoptive parents.
A few reciprocate, but they are in the minority.
Occasionally, a birth mother will write a letter to the child explaining her reasons for choosing adoption, to be kept by the adoptive parents until the child is old enough to read it.
Sometimes the birth family gives the adoptive family an album of the birth parent’s childhood photos for the child.
Birth fathers hardly ever maintain contact, but sometimes the birth-grandparents stay in touch with the adoptive family.
There was a recent incident where a birth mother sued an attorney and/or her child for violating her rights by locating her to make contact. What rights do the birth parents have regarding secrecy?
Birth parents and adoptive parents have the same rights regarding secrecy. Any exchange of identifying information is voluntary, not mandatory.
What advice would you give to someone who is considering adoption?
I would recommend that adoptive parents be good consumers and educate themselves well about the various types of adoption programs.
Secondly, I would tell them to be very aggressive, and not to limit themselves to an agency waiting list.
To someone who is considering placing a child for adoption, I would suggest that they begin planning early, rather than waiting until they are in the hospital.
It is best to allow plenty of time for counseling, for planning how to terminate the birth father’s rights, and for choosing and learning as much as possible about the adoptive parents.
I would also recommend working face-to-face with a local agency or adoption attorney rather than by long distance. (I don’t mean that the adopting parents have to be local, just that the birth mother should have access to local services. )
Without giving any specifics, what one case have you had that affected you in the most, positively or negatively? Why?
Out of more than 1,000 adoptions in which I have been involved, I have met so many heroes that I can’t single out one case. On the other hand I can’t say there haven’t been some heartbreaks over the years, but I refuse to tell a negative adoption story!
In a positive vein, I would like to mention in particular some of the inspirational foster parents who keep on adopting and loving as many children as they are given.
Do you ever hear from the people you represented in the past? In what way?
Many clients come back for successive adoptions. Also, I often pass correspondence between the adoptive and birth families and some will drop me a line now and then. At Christmas I always love to receive cards form my clients with photographs of the children.
What do you enjoy the most about your job?
Helping people to realize their dream of becoming parents, helping birth mothers find a good home for their child, and trying to make the adoption a positive experience for everyone.TPW