They say the only thing that’s truly constant is change. Do you remember how you felt when you were 16 and you were convinced your parents had no idea how you felt and the things you were facing? As our parents age, that may well be the way they feel now. It’s an incredibly difficult thing to face, as our roles are basically reversed. The best first step to take is to try a little empathy; put yourself in the other person’s situation.

I recently participated in an activity where we were asked to perform certain tasks while “impaired” by an outside force in order to show us what it’s like to have certain impairments. For example, we were given directions that we were supposed to write down while wearing garden gloves and cotton balls in our ears to simulate stiffness in our hands and difficulty hearing. Next, we were given a coin purse and asked to count out 73 cents with our gloves still on. I couldn’t even get my purse unzipped.

Some of the other activities included wearing different glasses to show how eyesight can change with age. The most interesting part of that was that it often was difficult to distinguish colors.
All of these things really gave me something to think about; it really is true that you never can walk in another person’s shoes. But it often helps to try to understand what they’re dealing with. This is very important when an adult child finds herself in the situation of caregiver for her parents.

There’s so much to learn and consider. Are the needs physical or mental? Dementia and Alzheimer’s disease usually create a need mentally—and any number of needs physically. What level of care and attention does your loved one need? Can you provide this with the help of some home-based services, or do you need to start shopping for a retirement community?

With so many questions, it can seem overwhelming. The good news is there are more solutions out there than you could possibly need and many sources willing to help. Remember to ask a lot of questions, and, with a little patience and understanding, you’ll find the right place. TPW