Each day, 10 women in the United States die at the hands of someone who says he loves her. Each day, thousands of children are caught in the crossfire of domestic violence. Each day, 15 new victims of violence and abuse come to The Center for Prevention of Abuse here in central Illinois.

The easy questions are: Why does it happen? Is this my problem? If so, how can I make a difference? And then there are the not-so-easy answers.

Why does it happen?

Domestic violence is the use of force, threats, and degradation by one partner to get his or her way and maintain control in the relationship. In 95 percent of the cases, the male is the abuser and the female is the victim. Therefore, it’s a gender-based crime derived from a culture that said (for centuries) that women were the property of men. Clearly, a respect for equality within a relationship is now the norm in most families, but there are lingering attitudes of male privilege that perpetuate domestic violence.

Is this my problem?

It’s in everyone’s best interest to rid the community of domestic violence. Even though your home is a safe place, you’re still affected. A co-worker may be stalked or threatened at work. This is a dangerous situation for everyone at that workplace and certainly decreases productivity. Your children may be in a classroom with children from a violent home. The latter often have severe behavioral problems or may act out sexually or physically. This disrupts the learning environment and may be threatening to your child. The noise of "battle" from a neighbor or their possible handgun use puts your family at risk. Your tax burden and insurance costs grow because the prevalence of domestic violence eats up one-third of police and court time, as well as emergency medical care treatment.

How can I make a difference?

Domestic violence thrives on silence, denial, and isolation. To break the silence, call the police if you hear violence in progress. Make sure your workplace has policies and procedures to protect employees from harassment or threats. Don’t condone or ignore jokes, put-downs, or business decisions that belittle women.

To confront your denial, learn more about domestic violence and the services available so you can be more helpful to friends, family, or co-workers. Model and promote gender respect with your children early on because their attitudes toward the opposite sex are usually set by junior high.

Don’t let a victim live in isolation. She isn’t to blame for the abuse. Perhaps she’s done something you might not approve of, but that action is a separate issue. The abuser is the one who has chosen to use violence or abuse to control or retaliate. He also tries to isolate his victim so she won’t be influenced by others or seek help. Let a victim know it’s okay to confide in you and help her find professional help for safety, information, and emotional support.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It’s an opportunity to learn more about this issue and become part of the solution to building a safe, peaceful community. TPW